Monday, February 7, 2011

Holy Cupcakes Batman

“Holy cupcakes Batman”, said Robin the boy wonder. Holy cupcakes is what ran through my mind as I sat through the Superbowl yesterday. It was so bad I couldn't eat my pizza or popcorn (my contribution to the food pyramid)

My biased opinion is not the product of Left Coast thinking since a good friend of mine from the Right Coast who actually lives in the Southeast USA came to a similar conclusion. So all you pickup gun-toting Dixie-landers, listen up. The names and location of my friends will not be disclosed so they are protected from the gun-toting pickup truck types who like to shoot deer with their kids as a right of passage.

Football is not an example of preventive medicine, health or wellness. The only positive things I see are the conditioning of the gladiators in preparation for a season and the “big game'. And I am not certain about that, given the history of anabolic compounds used to produce muscle mass while further diminishing the intellectual capacities of the participants.

Some readers may wish to click away from my blog since some of it will repel the 'next' generation' and football addicts.

Waiver notice: This post will be offensive to some readers with it's non-obscene, anti-pop culture, and politically incorrect opinions, and unspoken thoughts of most watchers (non-scientific, highly biased opinion poll with limited cohort) (my family of five).

A great deal of my post is taken from my documentation and observation of one personal anecdotal story about my son-in-law who won a superbowl ring in 1986. (that makes me an expert.)

First of all, if you like two hours of weekly pain and concussions, it is not a bad life. You are overpaid, the weekly schedule is cool. Work one day a week, train for five and home most of the time except for a weekly trip occassionally to a distant playing field, all paid by your employer...great health insurance and disability coverage. Free access to pain medications, personal trainer, PR person, endorsements, sometimes a free car by your local car dealer for the season and home games.You live in the nicest home in a gated guarded community, your kids wear the best clothes,they have every new most wanted toys, you are well known in town, so you have to go to a place where hopefully no one will recognize you during your extra-curricular activities (maybe a foreign country or carribean island. You have a wide variety of hoodies, and sun glasses which you wear once and throw away. You can always tell your wife, "honey not tonight I have a broken collar bone (nose, ankle, back, or whatever, or all of the aforementioned." Save your strength for those away game “groupies” Wifey gets the house, fur, fashion coutre, BMW or the Escalade (maybe politically correct hybrid car, or most likely all of the aforementioned. If you get really injured you may sit out a whole year of work on the injured list and then be traded to a competitor. (it's always nice to get a new home and a new community to try out.)

I also wonder if human resources of the NFL uses multicultural hiring practices, hiring Asian, Hispanic, African American players (that does not seem to be a problem as to the latter. It's a great exit strategy for escaping from the ghetto. (sorry for the bad taste here) The only people that can use the N word are Ns. Whatever has happened to us Honkies? “N's and “MAs (Mexican-Americans) as well as 'SE' (slant eyes) should use the 'H' phrase too.

It was so bad yesterday that I had to resort to Keith Olbermann's tweets. Keith has been traded to the Tweet network. (but he can work from home now). Actually I laughed harder there than I have ever since my three boys came back to live at home, out of work. The economy is so bad wifey and I had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches watching our old fashioned non digital, non-HD 36 incher with a TV tube, (wifey and I wear binoculars so that we can see the individual players faces and the confetti at the end of the game), whilst my spawn were in their bedroom watching the Superbowl on a 52” HD TV (also recorded on a DVR). “Holy cupcakes” once again.

Did I mention my middle child bought a car for 'cash' from his savings (he deserves it since he is totally disabled with cystic fibrosis) and he bought it with the lump sump SS benefit which SSA held up for three years, only relenting when we took them to court......the judge slapped SSA in the face, saying only an idiot would not see he is disabled. (spends 5 hours a day doing respiratory treatments and taking 5,000 dollars/month of medications. (you lucky taxpayers are paying for his health care which is probably a lot better than yours or mine). I personally don't begrudge that one ounce. I would not want to live his life. If he has one good day a week we are thankful (maybe he could join the NFL), and get even better care, and not be on the taxpayer's dime. Thank you Uncle Sam for my boy's life. First thing he said when he took the keys and we drove off was, “I can find a job now and work part time, even if its one day a week.”

The trip to the car dealer was our “Pre-Game” show. (it really was a show since my eldest son-in-law harassed the salesman, 'jewing him down' ( I can say that since I am a “J”). Phil almost 'queered' the deal. You guys better not use that phrase or I will take you to federal court.

However, I digress, and back to the sport's section. Tomorrow is another day and I have to face medicare, outcome studies, meaningful use, a deadline to get my EMR or forfeit whatever from medicare. Cheez Batman, Holy cupcakes.

This is a fictitous post that someone else must have posted, since my computer was frazzled by microsoft's latest update.

I hope your team won !
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