Washington, D.C. September 10,2008.
Today in an unprecedented action the Department of Justice, Homeland Security, and the Department of Defense filed an action with the first District Court of the District of Columbia to seize the Department of Health and Human Services' all hospitals, providers and related interests in regard to the workings of the healthcare system in the United States.
This action came on the heels of the past several months of instability in the health care financing market. All health care providers and hospitals sighed a collective gasp of relief at this move.
Federal officials, HHS, the Department of Justice were unavailable for comment. Telephone calls and inquiries from media sources have not been returned.
Hospitalized patients were 'frozen' in their beds,, in surgery or wherever they were at the time. All admissions and appointments for physician visits have been cancelled.
One of the terms of the bailout was that all insurance premiums would be made, as usual. Payments from Medicare, and private payors were suspended.
Today's events follow a several week long crisis in the banking industry, with the seizure of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who by coincidence are inpatients at Walter Reed Medical Center.
Their prognosis is extremely guarded, but the information is protected by HIPAA.
The President in his secure underground bunker beneath the West Wing of the White House held a secure video conference with the heads
of all the aforementioned departments. He also asked that the White House be declared a "medical home". A secure encrypted email was intercepted by Homeland Security to
(warning, some may object to part of the contact on this link)
Dr Jay Parkinsnon for an electronic house call. This information from an unknown source who insisted on anonymity (because he/she is not authorized to disclose this information)
Both the democratic and republican candidate weighed in with their campaign platform to sovle the challenges of financing health care in America.
Senator Osama Obama
stated that it was beyond his paygrade, but if elected he would be able to answer these issues, since his paygrade would increase.
Governor Palin was unavailble due to a prior appointment hunting, snow mobile racing, and caribou watching.
She would be available for comments as soon as the moose stew was done.
Senator Biden was unavailable because he was 'frozen' while in Bethesda Naval Hospital during his annual physical.
All other calls from patients were told to leave a message, or call 911 if it is really a life and death situation....However due to the emergency you would need a credit card to reach 911. They were also told that if their credit score was less than 799 they would be unable to reach 911.
In other late breaking news........................
WAIVER AND DISCLAIMER
The author of this information is solely responsible for this posting, which he patently admits if false. Any assumptions or actions resulting from this posting are not his responsibility and will fall upon the reader.